


Warm and Alive

by princessm44



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Disorder, Boys Kissing, Chronic Illness, Eventual Smut, Hospital, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Modern AU, Mutual Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Sirius has a lip ring, Swearing, Underage Smoking, dont worry this WILL be fluffy, remus is a bi baby, sirius is just super gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-21 14:52:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6055666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessm44/pseuds/princessm44
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius stumbles across a rude boy in a Mental Hospital and James is shit at love advice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *implied past suicide attempt not graphic or descriptive
> 
> when texting underlined is james, bold is sirius
> 
> also i would just like to make clear that remus is both physically/mentally ill in this but really the fic will mostly focus on the relationship between remus and sirius more than anything else. it will be v fluffy

Sirius crossed his arms, his face a scowl.

He’s been wandering around this bloody hospital for far too long while Mrs. Potter and his mum finish up his release papers.

He's avoiding them. That much is clear, but Sirius can’t help but wonder if his mum even notices his absence anymore. He’s only glad she agreed to let him stay with Mrs. Potter, not that he really needed her blessing on the matter but it made it easier as she difficult even at the best of times.

 _Stupid feelings,_ he thought, _stupid mum, and stupid doctors with their charts and group therapy sessions._ He couldn't believe the shit weekend he had had. Going to this psychiatrist and this therapy session and god forbid the _food_ he was forced to eat. Not to mention the boy he had to room with who had chronic OCD and demanded to organize and arrange all of Sirius’ belongings the moment he stepped into the room.

Sirius was now mumbling angrily to himself as he walked down the hospital hallway. He ignored the looks he was getting by passers-bys and continued to stomp his boots down the aluminum floor, not really knowing where he was going but not caring in the slightest.

Sirius couldn’t believe his parents thought they could send him off to a bloody _mental hospital,_ telling tales of various mental illnesses (that were all lies!) the second he got mouthy with them. Well, the joke was really on them seeing as the hospital could only hold him for 72 hours unless they had a _real_ diagnosis. Which they didn’t of course though the therapist did say he could use a bit of counselling. He and James had laughed about that later imagining Sirius bearing his soul to a bloody stranger. _Yeah, not fucking likely._

Sirius could see perfectly the look of absolute disgust that would appear on his mum’s face the minute he showed up, and the sad, let-me-cuddle-you look, on Mrs. Potter. But the truth was that he just wanted to do a bit of healthy self-loathing in peace. Sirius was thankful James understood and had let him sneak off alone. Though in reality he probably buggered off to chat up the redhead who volunteered weekends at Holly Pine Specialist Centre and whom James had become totally infatuated with within the last three days. Not like he had a chance, but the idiot could take a lesson in subtlety.

At first, Sirius had hidden in various nooks and alcoves he had found during his three day stay at Holly Pine, before getting bored and walking down different hallways until he came upon a part of the hospital he’d never been before. It was more open and had less ‘fake cheer’ than his section. He wandered a bit farther until he heard the chatting of a female voice.

The lady behind the desk was young and had tied up blonde hair. She smiled with pink glossy lips as Sirius approached, “How may I help--”

“Where am I?” He asked cutting her off. His voice was a bit harsher than he intended but he didn’t care to be polite at the moment, he was still too far in his sulk to pretend to be nice.

The secretary looked startled for a moment, probably not sure if he was an escaped  mental patient or not. “At Holly Pine Specia--”

“I know what this bloody prison is called only what is this specific section of the hospital?” He asked then quickly added, “I’m meeting someone.” He lied, forcing himself to sound less hostile.

She glanced down at his wrist, checking for a bracelet that would confirm whether he was a patient or not. Sirius rolled his eyes and held up his hand, waving it around a bit childishly, “I’m not a crazy person see? Just need to know what part of the hospital I’m in is all.” He was only lucky they had just taken it off when his mum arrived.

She seemed pleased with his bare wrist and said, “You're in the Medical ward right now.”

“So this half is like a regular hospital and over there is for the craz--”

The secretary cut him off with a stern look, “This is Medical and the other section is _Psychiatric_.” She emphasized the word with a glare.

Now Sirius felt a bit like a prick, so he did what he did best and gave a charming smile. “Right. Sorry. Psychiatric. That's what I meant.” She didn’t look impressed and continued to type on a keyboard.

After a moment of thinking, he asked, “Where's the loo?”

She looked annoyed he was still there but pointed a finger down the hallway he had just come from. “It's just down that way, you might have passed it--”

“I mean another loo, don’t you have more than one?” He winced the moment the words were out of his mouth, _shit, stop sounding rude!_

“Well there is one on the Second floor,” She said in a forced calm voice, clearly versed in dealing with annoying teenagers, “But really it's quite out of the way--”

Sirius turned and stomped his way to the lift. Second floor was good. Far enough that he could kill some more time. Though he should head back after he takes a piss. His mum will be gone by then and Mrs. Potter will worry he’s sure of it. And really, the thought of parents who cared so deeply only hurt his chest a little.

He stepped into the elevator with a girl who looked to be around his age with a pixie haircut and dyed black hair. She was holding a blue balloon that read, _IT'S A BOY!_ She smiled at him, her mouth painted a dark red, almost purple color.

“What floor?” She asked.

“Two,” Sirius grunted.

“Oh, me as well.” She said, pressing the button with a painted green fingernail.

After a long moment of silence, the girl spoke, “So what brings you to--”

“Not really in the mood for a chat up, if you don't mind,” Sirius said with a bit more bite than he intended.

The girl glared at him as the door slid opened, “Arsehole.” She said before turning right to where the patients rooms were.

Sirius shrugged, he knew he was being a prick but he couldn't be bothered to care much at the moment. He was still too wound up.

And besides, thoughts of the girl were already forgotten as he turned left down the brightly lit hallway and was walking for about five minutes and had just rounded the corner when he was abruptly yanked by the shirt and pulled into a shadowed corridor that seemed to be unused.

Sirius yelped and tried pushing the hands off before a voice whispered, “Shh, I need your help.” That made Sirius stop struggling and really look at his offender.

He was male and young, though he couldn't quite make out his features in the dark, he saw he was wearing a blue zip-up sweater and pajama pants. But the oddest thing of all was that he wasn’t wearing shoes, just one red sock and another with purple stripes.

Sirius stopped looking at his feet when the voice said again in the same quiet tone, “I need your help.”

“Well with what?” Sirius barked, straightening out his shirt. “You could have just asked. You know, like a normal person? It's creepy mate, pulling people into dark hallways.”

“Sorry,” He said sounding rushed, “just help me walk back to my room.”  Sirius made a confused face and boy added quickly, “Please. I just need you to make sure I don’t fall and hit my head.”

Yep, definitely insane.

The silence seemed to stretch on before Sirius said in a slow voice like he was dealing with a child, “And is that...something you do a lot?”

The boy was silent and Sirius suddenly got the feeling as if he was on the receiving end of a bitch face. But bitch face or not Sirius had limits to his rudeness and wouldn’t deny someone help in a hospital. Right as he was about to say “Yeah sure, whatever I’ll help.” the boy spun around and left.

Sirius stood there for a moment very confused and wondering slightly if he had just imagined this whole strange encounter. That feeling only increased when he walked back into the main hallway and didn’t see anyone who seemed to be struggling with walking. Sirius shook his head a bit, trying to clear his mind and continued on his way.

Sirius arrived at the loo, took a piss, washed his hands and winked at himself in the mirror for good measure before heading back to the Psych ward in a much better mood knowing he would finally be free of this place in a couple minutes.

But nothing can ever be that simple in the life of Sirius Black because he’s far too curious for his own good. The moment things changed was when he heard a loud bang, then a retching sound, followed by a series of thumps as if someone was repeatedly slamming their hand against a wall. His investigation led him to a door that was cracked open. The thumps had stopped but there was that horrible retching sound again. Sirius turned his head to both sides making sure he wasn’t being watched and swung the door open.

The room was like any other you would find in a hospital. Clean, sterile counter space, equipped with a sink, mirror and a rather large bottle of hand sanitizer. A desk with one of those chairs on wheels for doctors to spin around in and a bed with that annoying white paper on it.

But walking into a highly functioning doctor's office was not what made Sirius stop dead in his tracks and blurt out an undignified, _"Holy fuck."_

There was a boy hunched over the sink wearing a hospital gown and plaid pajama pants, his body convulsing as he dry heaved. His pale back and boney spine made visible from the wide slit in the dressing gown. Sirius then saw a blue sweater thrown carelessly on the ground and his mind made the connection.

The boy shot his head up at the sound of Sirius’ voice and looked at him through the mirror. He coughed loudly and a small amount of blood dripped from his mouth. He stood up straight and tried wiping it away with the back of his hand but he only managed to smear it onto his pale cheek.

Sirius eyed the bandages wrapped around both his wrist and noticed a very familiar bracelet that Sirius himself had only just been wearing less than an hour ago. _Does this mean he’s from the Psych ward or do they give the same ones to the medical patients as well?_

But Sirius stopped his musings as the boy turned his body to face him and Sirius looked with horror as more blood trickled down his chin. But the boy only gave him a weak smile, “Don’t you know it's not polite to stare.” His voice low and gravely. _And shit. Holy fucking shit._ Sirius was not expecting that.

He felt something bloom in his chest but not like before.

The boy was tall and skinny and looked to be around Sirius’ age, sixteen or so, with light brown hair that curled slightly around his ears. His large brown eyes watched Sirius with an almost amused expression before glancing over at the door in a more nervous gesture.

“Uh, are you okay, I mean um--do you need me to get help or something?” Sirius felt very flustered at the moment and concluded it to him having just discovered a sick boy who was dry heaving like he was about to puke right into the sink. Not to mention he was coughing blood.

 _Yes,_ he thought, _that is a perfectly okay reason to be flustered._ He promised himself it had nothing to do with the small splattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose or how tall he was or even the fact that he had a nice, low voice. Really, it was none of those things.

“No,” The boy said quickly, “I’m fine.”

“Clearly,” Sirius replied and the boy scowled at him. “Are we even allowed to be in here?” Sirius asked looking around again.

“It's not in use anymore but that's hardly the point. In fact, none of this is your business, so if you wouldn’t mind please leave---” He stopped suddenly, his face turning unnaturally pale.

“Shit--are you okay?” Sirius took a step forward but the boy had already turned and was coughing into the sink.

Red splattered the mirror now as well as the front of the boys shirt. He took a couple deep breaths as he held himself up by his arms. His hands gripping the porcelain so hard his knuckles were white.

Sirius took an unsure step towards him again but the boy said without looking up, “Really I’m fine. Just---just go away.” He was breathing heavy and his voice was ragged but he finally let go of the sink and turned.

And before he had even taken one step, his eyes rolled up into the back of his head and his shoulders slumped and Sirius practically ran to catch him before he hit the floor. Sirius held him up by the waist as the boys head lolled forward onto his chest. He could feel a wet spot forming on the front of his shirt. _Shit. Blood._ It's not that he cared, only that James and Mrs. Potter would ask questions.

Sirius struggled a bit, almost tipping over once. The boy was as skinny as a weed but still heavy and _god why was he so tall?_ But then he felt eyelashes fluttering and that only made him think how long are this boys eyelashes that Sirius could feel them flutter against his chest? He had to stop himself right there before he got into some really _girly_ territory that involved things like long eyelashes and such. The thought made him shudder.

Then the boy shifted, still semi-conscious, and Sirius said something stupid like, “Are you granting me the pleasure of your presence now?”

The boy shot his head up quickly at the sound of Sirius’ voice, his face a mask of pale horror as he realized he had passed out and was now in the arms of the dark haired boy who was looking at him with a mix of concern and something else.

Being this close and with the boy looking up at him, Sirius could see that his eyelashes were indeed very long. So long in fact that they created a shadow across his pale skin. _Oh, bugger, enough with the bloody eyelashes you stupid girly git!_

The boy sucked in a breath, his face flushing with embarrassment as he saw the blood on Sirius’ shirt, and took a step back quickly, nearly toppling over.

“Whoa there,” Sirius said as he reached a hand on the boy's hip to steady him. “I don’t think you're well enough to walk yet.” He pulled his other arm underneath the boys armpit so he could use Sirius like a crutch. “Here I’ll help you.”

But the boy pushed him away with a hiss, _"Don’t touch me._ I am fine--” His words were drowned out with a loud, gut wrenching cough with his face buried into his elbow. There was no blood this time at least but he still looked awfully woozy to Sirius.

“Let me go get a nurse.” Sirius said after the coughing quieted.

The boy shot him a glare. “Why are you still here?”

Sirius ignored him and took a step forward, “At least let me help you walk back to your room.”

“You really can't take a hint, can you? Piss. Off.” The boy pushed past Sirius and elbow checked him on the way out.

 _Wow,_ Sirius thought, _the boy of my dreams is not only extremely ill but extremely rude as well._

Sirius stood there for a moment; he couldn't just walk back to the Psych ward and leave the sick boy all alone after witnessing him cough blood and then proceeding to pass out. _Hell, he could be passed out right now!_ That thought quickly decided Sirius’ mind for him and he all but ran out the room.

Once he was out of the doorway Sirius skidded to a halt and looked right, then left, and was about to look right again before he saw the boy sitting on the floor, his back against the wall with his head between his knees, taking deep painful breaths.

“You obviously don't need any help at all, do you?”

The boy groaned in annoyance when he heard Sirius voice but didn't look up, “What do I have to do to get rid of you?”

“Don't be such a wanker. I’m trying to be nice. I can’t just leave you here like this. It wouldn't be very proper would it?” Sirius knelt down in front of him.

This made the boy peek his head up, the fringe of his hair falling slightly into his eyes in a way that made Sirius want to do all kinds of girly things like sweep it back across his forehead.

Sirius grinned instead, the kind he saved for when he wanted to woo birds, “And you know, I am if anything a gentleman.” The boy almost snorted at this, as it was clearly not true. What with Sirius in his ripped jeans and doc martens and was that a _lip ring_ he saw?

“This is nothing new--I’m--really--okay.” The boy stuttered between breaths.

“You keep saying that and yet here we are. Again.”

The boy seemed to get angry at that and Sirius stood as the boy pushed himself up off the floor, “Why do you even care? It's none of your business and--and--” He started to pale, his body falling against the wall slightly. Sirius’ smile disappeared quickly and he reached a hand to steady his shoulder. There was another wretched cough and now blood on the ground.

“Fuck it.” Sirius said to himself as he put his arm around the boy's waist, and slung the boy's arm around his own neck.

Carrying most of his weight, Sirius started to walk him towards where he saw the patients rooms before, hoping he would see a nurse or doctor or _any_ kind of adult that might be more useful in this type of situation than Sirius himself was. He cursed silently. _You just_ had _to go to the Second floor Medical ward, didn’t you? And what for? So you could have a proper sulk? Avoid dreadful Mothers? Grow up Black,_ he thought bitterly. But then he heard the boy moan softly into Sirius’ neck and he forgot about everything else except _this is nothing new this is nothing new_ and why did that make Sirius’ chest hurt?

“I hate this.” The boy said. His breathing was still heavy but he seemed to be doing better with Sirius helping him walk.

“You hate being sick or hate that I have to help you walk?” Sirius asked, “And you know you did ask for my help before.” He added.

The hallways were empty and it felt like a much longer walk this time, but, at least, the boy was letting Sirius help him. He wondered what his name was as he felt his head shift on his shoulder, his hair brushing Sirius’ neck.

“Yes well I only wanted you to accompany me, it didn’t actually involve you having to physically touch me,” He said in a glum tone then realizing how it sounded and tensing up immediately, “Er, not to imply that your unpleasant looking or--”

Sirius laughed, “Don’t worry I’m good looking enough to not get offended by that.”

“Oh, you're narcissistic. Great.” The boy deadpanned.

Sirius ignored that comment and asked, “Why _did_ you run off? I would have helped you.”

The boy was silent for a long time before he finally spoke, “I didn’t want to have to explain myself. That’s what happens when you're a patient with a long-term disease, you get defined by it.”

 _Long-term disease._ Sirius was quiet as he pondered that new bit of information. Then he felt the boy’s body get limper and Sirius struggled to carry him.

“What were you even doing all the way over here?” Sirius grunted. Wondering how long the boy’s been here that he knew a particular room wouldn’t be in use and also _why were his wrists bandaged?_ Sirius was dying to know but knew it would rude to ask as it wasn’t his business.

The boy replied by coughing into his chest. Sirius gripped his waist tighter. As they rounded a corner Sirius asked, “What room number?”

“42A.” He mumbled into Sirius’ shirt.

“Almost there now,” Sirius told him. They got to the boys door without seeing a single doctor or nurse. _This is supposed to be a bloody hospital wasn’t it?_ Sirius cursed to himself and was trying to figure out how to open the door while still holding the boy up when someone wretched it open, almost knocking into them.

“Remus!” A startled voice said.

It was a girl, and--shit. The same girl that had called Sirius an arsehole in the lift. Sirius hoped she would not recognize him. But as her eyes zeroed in on him he realized he would not be so lucky.

 _"You!"_ She yelled with fire in her blue eyes, “What did you do to him!”

“Me?!” Sirius gaped at her, “I found him like this!”

Remus surfaced a bit and lifted his head up slightly, “Alice?” He croaked.

“Oh Remus,” She said in a soft voice, forgetting about Sirius for the moment, “where were you? I was so worried. Are you okay?” She held up one of his wrists and sighed in relief though Sirius couldn’t understand why, maybe--

Sirius felt a shiver go through Remus’ body and then he bent over, away from Sirius and wretched up more blood.

“Oh god, get him on the bed!” Alice shouted and ran to press a red button on the wall.

Sirius obeyed instruction and grabbed him once more around the waist and carried him to bed. He laid him down gently as Remus was already passed out again.

“It's alright Remus,” Sirius whispered, his name felt weird and tingly on the tip of his tongue. He smoothed his hair out of his face, his skin cold with sweat.

Sirius looked up and saw Alice watching him with a confused expression on her face. He adverted her eyes and glanced awkwardly around the room. It was just a standard hospital room with white walls and two beds, one Remus was lying on and the other with a curtain pulled around it. There were some dreadfully boring paintings and a vase filled with wildflowers on the night stand.

Sirius eyed a large stack of different types of magazines on the desk and a pile of paper shards and cut out words next to it though no scissors were in sight. By the window he saw the blue balloon that read, _IT'S A BOY!_ and another that had a smiley face and read, _GET WELL SOON._ A row of potted plants lined the windowsill.

It all seemed too personal and Sirius suddenly felt very wrong being here.

“Um right, I should leave then.” He mumbled, giving one more glance at the sleeping boy before turning quickly to leave.

 

Sirius thought about Remus while he walked down the long corridor.

How his skin had been hot when Sirius had first touched him, his cheeks flushed with fever. He remembered the weight of Remus’ head against his shoulder, how he had smelled of blood but more so of something sweet, perhaps vanilla. Sirius finally remembered the long pale strip of his back, the way his skin looked so smooth and… And then Sirius felt absolutely horrid thinking that way about someone who was obviously _very_ ill, and not to mention, most likely _very_ straight. Sirius decided to tuck this information in the back of his mind for later inspection.

Instead, he pondered whether Remus was only in the medical ward temporarily and did that mean he was usually a Psych ward patient? If that was the case then did those bandages mean what Sirius thought they did?

Remus had seemed so frail and in pain and Sirius didn’t know why he cared so much. _I mean he’s a stranger for god's sakes! Not to mention he was extremely rude, but then again,_ Sirius thought, _it must get awfully annoying having to get help from everyone all the time._ God knows Sirius hated doing it with James’ family.

“Oh shit,” Sirius mumbled to himself as he remembered James and that it's been quite a bit of time and they’re probably ready to go and wondering where he is. He quickly took his cell phone out of his pocket and saw one message under the name James.

 where the bloody hell are u??? done in a few min dont make us leave without u bc we will

 Sirius sighed with relief to see it was sent less than five minutes ago. He quickly replied.

  **be there in a min DONT LEAVE I REFUSE TO TAKE THE BUS AGAIN!!!!**

calm ur tits m8

 

Sirius met James and his family in the front hallway only after stopping in the bathroom to wipe quickly at his shirt. The blood was still very noticeable but Sirius didn’t care too much. Their reactions were to be expected, though. Mrs. Potter fretted and James sniggered and asked who had kicked his arse.

“Oh, no one,” Sirius replied nonchalantly, “just met a patient in the halls. He passed out so I had to carry him to his room.” This all seemed to shut them up and they drove back to James’ house without any questions asked as to why he was in the Medical ward in the first place.

___________________________________________________________________________

Even though summer was practically over and the nights were considerably colder, James and Sirius insisted on sleeping out on James’ trampoline, surrounded by fluffy blankets, as school was just after the weekend and they were feeling sentimental towards the summer air. Even if that air was now almost bitter cold.

Sirius only snuggled further into the blankets, his voice slightly muffled, “Make any headway with Evans today?”

James groaned, his hands covering his face, “Don’t bloody remind me.”

Sirius laughed, “How bad was it this time?”

“Let's just say she called me an ‘egotistical toe rag’ that she wouldn’t touch if I was the last man on Earth and then tried to slap me after I said something _vaguely_ romantic--”

“Sure. Vague.”

“--all this while in front of the whole bloody rec room. I swear mate if I wasn’t so sure we were soulmates I would have given up by now."

Sirius just shook his head laughing.

“Well, what about you then?” James asked, sitting up on his elbows to see Sirius better.

“What d’ya mean?” Sirius asked and propped himself up.

James scoffed, “Oh come off it, you’ve been all quiet and--and _thinky,"_ He scrunched up his nose and made a face, “since we got home. Something's up.”

“Its nothing, just...that boy at the hospital that I helped--he was…” Sirius trailed off and squirmed a bit, feeling slightly uncomfortable which was new.

James kicked him in the leg, “Oi, out with it you girl.”

“He was only _completely fit!"_ Sirius yelled exasperated, as if he could hardly believe it himself and fell back down on the blankets with a long sigh, thinking of those dark coffee eyes.

James sniggered, “You mean besides being generally ill, he was completely fit?”

It was Sirius’ turn to kick him in the leg as he growled, “Shut it mate.”

“Okay fine. But hey do you think he’s you know,” James waggled his eyebrows in a suggestive manner, “on your team?”

That made Sirius roll over and groan into his pillow. “Ugh. No. I don't know. Maybe? I think it was his girlfriend I was an arse to in the lift. I saw her later in his room. They seemed pretty...close.”

“Well you never know mate, she could just be a friend or relative.”

Sirius rolled back over and looked at James hopefully, “Do you really think so?” He asked and James, the tosser, laughed.

“God, you have it bad. I’ve never seen you like this over some bloke before.” Sirius wanted to scowl at him but was feeling too optimistic about his chances with Remus.

“I wonder if Lily would know,” James continued, “after all, she does work there, they have to know each other right? But maybe not if he’s in the Medical ward...Hmm, do you think Lily--”

Sirius rolled his eyes because of course James would somehow turn his pining over Remus into something about his ‘Lily flower’.

“Oh, enough about sodding Lily!” Sirius groaned covering his ears, then uncovering them to glare at James, “And Jesus fucking christ Jamie, you're more delusional than I thought if you think for a second that Evans would tell _you_ anything about--well, about _anything!"_ He failed his arms about dramatically before deciding the situation called for them to be crossed, for all hopefulness was now washed away. The thought of Evans giving free information to James was downright laughable.

“I resent everything you just said,” James said in a much too cheerful tone.

“We could ask Pete,” James began after a moment, “maybe he has some ideas--” Sirius cut off his voice with a quick, if-you-say-one-more-stupid-thing-I’m-going-to-punch-you, look.

“Everything is doomed.” Sirius wailed.

“That's just you being over dramatic Sirius. How about instead of feeling sorry for yourself you help me smoke this joint?” James grinned, raising an eyebrow and holding up said joint.

Sirius sighed, faking annoyance, “Fine I guess, but if you think this will take my mind off Remus then you're dead wrong.”

James laughed and lit the tip, the flame only lighting his face for a second before flickering out. He took a long drag, held it in, then exhaled before passing it to Sirius.

“You know--” James paused coughing a bit, “for being so very ‘punk’ you're awfully sensitive.”

Sirius made a rude gesture with his hand, “Piss off.” He said blowing out a big cloud of smoke.

James just rolled around the trampoline giggling. And true to his word as Sirius took another drag he thought only of Remus and silently hoped he was okay.

He soon fell asleep with the stars lying heavily over his head.

 

______________________________________________________________________

 

Sirius woke to the sun glaring in his face and the feeling of heavy blankets on him, damp with morning dew.

“Sun’s too bright!” Sirius whined with a sleepy voice, kicking James.

James who was previously sleeping on his stomach, mouth hanging open and snoring loudly, woke with a jump. “Wha--Oh yeah...suns a bitch…” He mumbled still half asleep searching for his glasses, “My room we can...sleep another hour b’fore school.”

“Not going to school today.”

That woke James up and he looked at Sirius sharply, “What? It's the first day back Sirius you _have_ to go. Why are you not going?”

“You sound surprised.” Sirius yawned.

“Yeah I’m bloody surprised, you want to pass this year don’t you?”

“Ugh. Okay _mum,_ I’ll go. But I’m going to be late.” Sirius said hopping off the trampoline with James in tow who still had sleep legs and toppled to the grass with a squawk. “Like really late.” Sirius called over his shoulder, “A couple hours late in fact.”

James scurried to catch up with Sirius while wiping the dirt off his glasses with the front of his shirt. “What do you mean you're going to be late? What do you possibly have to do?”

“I’m going to visit Remus of course.” Sirius said in disbelief that James wouldn't know that right away.

“Sirius--wha--You can’t just--” James sputtered, “You say that like he’s an old friend. But you do realize you don’t even know the bloke right? Bit stalkerish really.”

Sirius paused at the back door, “I have to make sure the guys not _dead_ James.” Sirius' eyes widened and James couldn’t help but laugh at his friend.

“You fucking wanker,” James shook his head still laughing, making Sirius scowl, “You just want to ogle him some more don’t you?”

“I happen to care very much about Remus’ well being you know.” Sirius glared, scrunching up his nose in the way he did when he tried to make himself look angrier, except there’s a faint blush on his cheeks that just made James laugh louder.

He clapped Sirius on the back, “Whatever mate, just try not to snog the breath outta him.”

James pushed past him into the house as Sirius ran after him yelling, “Wait, James! I need your help, should I wear the black jeans with the leather jacket or the ones that--HEY! _This is bloody important!_ Get back HERE!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually did a bit of research for this *gasp* so tell me if its complete trash or not???  
> and let me know if anyone is even a little bit interested in a ch2 thnx for the read i adore u all :*  
> (btw the illness remus has is cystic fibrosis and it affects the respiratory system/can include chronic cough with blood/phlegm)  
> also i just want to say i in no way condone sirius calling people with mental health issues 'crazy' but he was corrected and now knows its rude to say


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius brings a balloon and Remus plays aloof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ch is a bit shorter than i wanted but oh well, enjoy :*  
> also i apologize in advance for any spelling/grammar mistakes

Remus woke up feeling strange.

It wasn’t the fact that he felt like he had something heavy pressing on his chest or the feeling that he might cough up a lung, no those were fairly normal upon waking, it was something else. Something different he couldn’t put his finger on.

And then it hit him.

No anxiety. Nothing in his mind that was going too fast. Nothing that would make him close his eyes and count to ten hoping he could get himself under control before he had a panic attack.

There was _nothing._ Just his waking mind.

The emptiness felt good, not like when he felt hollow and numb. That was when he had bad thoughts… But this feeling was different and _good._ Fantastic even.

The only thing at the moment that could bring Remus down was knowing it wouldn’t last. At some point, he’d want to start banging his head against a wall, or tell his therapist’s to fuck off. He knew it was inevitable. He only hoped this good feeling would last long enough for him to be able to leave the Medical ward. Not that he particularly wanted to go back to Psychiatrics but his room was there with all his stuff and he wanted to check in with his roommate, make sure he was eating enough. Oh, and also Lily.

Another good thing about being in Psych ward vs. Medical ward was that Remus would finally be left alone (well not completely alone, seeing as he _is_ a mental health patient with strong tendencies towards suicidal thoughts) but, at least, no more fussy nurses taking his blood or impersonal doctors. Just peaceful _semi-_ solitude.

That’s why Remus had gone off yesterday. He just wanted to be alone and to prove to himself that he could walk down the bloody hallway without needing someone to hold his hand. _Though that didn't exactly pan out well,_ Remus thought, remembering the boy he had first grabbed in the hall and then later saw in one of the unused examination rooms. And how he had laughed, so easy and genuine, even though Remus had been strange and aloof. _And god, his warm body pressed to Remus’ own…_

 _No. Do not think of that. You got blood on his shirt, he saw you being...sick, he--_ Remus had to stop his train of thought unless he wanted his surreal morning of clarity to be washed away with a tidal wave of guilt and anxiety.

He made himself think about how good it will be going back to Psych because it meant Alice could stop panicking like he was going to drop dead at any moment. Remus hated that look in her eyes. Like if she left the room it would be the last time she ever saw him. But if there was anyone to stay alive for it was Alice. She was his best friend. Really his only friend, besides Frank and Lily. He was content with them and to be honest Remus didn’t think he could handle any more people hovering over him. Well maybe he wouldn’t mind if it was his mum who was doing the hovering, but she and his father were both dead. And had been for a very long time.

Remus blinked his eyes open when he heard someone shift in the chair beside the bed.

“I know you're not sleeping Remus.” Alice said. He squeezed his eyes shut again.

Oh, _buggering fuck._ Alice. She would be furious about yesterday. She would demand to know what he was thinking and _‘Don’t you know you could have gotten hurt Remus? Do you even care at all what happens to you?’_ It was the same lecture every time. He could probably recite it by heart now.

Alice let out an annoyed sigh and Remus braced himself but all she said was, “Open your damn eyes, I’m not going to yell.”

That was...unexpected.

Remus peeked one eye open and saw Alice, her hair freshly dyed black since the last time he saw her. She was also decked out in her full makeup, dark hooded eyes with a thick layer of mascara and eyeliner. But it was the choice of lipstick that made Remus want to smile. Dark hair, dark clothes, and hot pink lips. Knowing Alice she was probably trying to make a statement.

“You look fab Alice,” Remus grinned, his voice only slightly croaky.

Alice shook her head, “Don’t try to sweet-talk me Remus Lupin, it won’t ever work.” Her words were stern but he could see her mouth lifting at the corners.

“Well what's all this then hmm? No lecture about my safety, how reckless I am?” Remus narrowed his eyes and in a more suspicious tone asked, “Why aren’t you yelling? You should be yelling.” He glanced around the room nervously as if someone might be hiding there and Alice was just waiting for them to be alone so she could unleash her wrath.

While frantically searching the room he saw an unfamiliar balloon next to his bed and wanted to roll his eyes. He had been on bed rest so many times in his life that at some point Alice had stopped bringing him the appropriate kinds of balloons that said things like _get well soon_ and started bringing ones that said things like _CONGRATS ON YOUR NEW BABY_ and _HAPPY 10TH BIRTHDAY!_ It was now a running joke with them.

Alice crossed her legs in the chair. Her clunky mary janes tapping against each other. “I’m not going to yell Remus. Even though I think your an idiot, I won’t yell.” Her voice was too calm for Remus’ liking and he didn’t trust that secretive smile she had on her face...

And yep. He knew what this was about. Alice wasn’t yelling at him because why would she when they could talk about so many other things, like for example,  _boys._

 _No. No way in hell. This was so_ not _on._

“I’m not going to talk about it.” Remus said crossing his arms, “I know you want to but I won’t.”

Alice feigned confusion, “Whatever are you talking about Remus?” Then her eyes lit up in faked recognition, and _damn_ she was a good actress. _"Oh,_ you wouldn't happen to be talking about a certain dark-haired stranger with long hair and tight jeans perhaps, would you?”

“Nope. No way. We are not talking about this.”

“Okay fine,” Alice said casually, “Then I guess you wouldn’t want to know that while you were so conveniently passed out a certain ‘someone’,” She lifted her hands to do air quotations even though she knew Remus hated that, “brushed your hair back so lovingly and looked at you like you were their long lost lover. But no you're right Remus, I can see why you wouldn’t be interested in hearing that. It's terribly dull conversation.”

Remus’ eyes widened before he remembered he was supposed to keep his cool.

“You're lying.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “You're lying.” He said again.

“I never lie Remus Lupin.” Alice insisted, “Especially not when it involves boys who look like the one that brought your sorry arse in here yesterday. I mean did you _see_ his _eyes?_ He was bloody gorgeous.”

“I’m telling Frank.” Remus threatened, trying really hard _not_ to think about pretty silver eyes.

“And he would agree with me,” Alice grinned. Remus rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry darling no one is going to steal your man.” Remus opened his mouth to contradict her but Alice waved him off.

“And besides, he might be fit as hell but he’s a bloody git. Or at least, he is to females who ‘try to chat him up’ in lifts.” Alice said, clearly amused with something Remus didn’t understand. “But lucky for you, he seems to have no qualms about rescuing distressed boys in hospitals.”

Remus frowned, “You're being vague on purpose to annoy me.”

“I’m glad it’s working,” Alice smirked. “Anyway dear, I’m off to class.” She got up and was was half way shrugging on her jacket when she paused, “Or would you rather I stay?”

“No, no Alice I’m fine. You need to go to class, first day back and all.” Remus gave her a small smile. He didn’t want Alice to see how much he actually wanted her to stay.

“I’ll come back later with Frank. How’s that?”

“Sounds great. Though I might be back in Physiatric by then.”

Alice snorted, “After your little stunt yesterday? Not bloody likely.” She was pulling on a thick green scarf when the door creaked open. _More nurses,_ Remus thought and didn’t bother to turn around.

“Hey just because--” Remus' voice broke abruptly when a male’s voice cleared their throat.

Alice laughed, “I knew you’d be back. Ooh!” She exclaimed, “You brought Remus a balloon, lovely!”

And fuck. _Fucking shit. Fuck._ Remus didn’t even need to turn his head to know who she was talking to. It was the annoyingly attractive, egotistical punk boy from yesterday. It had to be.

Remus felt his heart race increase and forced himself to keep cool. There had to be a reasonable explanation for this. He wouldn’t let himself believe that the boy had actually come just because _he had wanted to see me._ No, it had to be something else.

“I thought it only proper he had the matching set.” The voice announced.

Alice sniggered, “I didn't notice so much yesterday, but your accents quite posh isn’t it?” Remus groaned internally with embarrassment. He suddenly very much wished Alice to leave.

Remus shifted his body so he could see the door and discreetly pinched himself in the leg to keep from blurting out something stupid like _take me I’m yours!_ because there he was all clad in tight, ripped jeans and a leather jacket. He was holding a pink balloon that read, _IT'S A GIRL!_ and shook his shaggy black hair. Tiny beads of water dripped from the ends, still freshly wet from a previous shower. And Remus wanted to die because he had that easy smile on his face that every girl probably dreamed about and he just _oozed_ natural confidence. You could tell he was the guy everyone loved.

Or didn’t love because he was so annoyingly perfect.

So Remus did what he always does when faced with an uncomfortable situation, and played aloof.

“Ah, the narcissist returns.” Remus drawled sounding bored.

The boy grinned, biting down on the ring in his lip. A gesture that sent shivers down Remus’ spine. _Keep it together, keep it together,_ Remus chanted the words like a mantra in his head.

“Your looking better,” He declared cheerfully, “though I see your attitudes still shit.” But the boy didn’t say that as if it was a bad thing. In fact, he sounded as if he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Remus felt a blush forming on his cheeks, he glared and opened his mouth to say something rude when the boy turned to Alice with a sheepish smile and said, “Er, Alice was it? Wanted to say sorry about the lift yesterday, I--”

“What happened in the lift?” Remus asked alarmed. Then looked at Alice with narrowed eyes, “Alice, you never told me something happened in a lift.”

Alice waved her hand, “Oh it was nothing. We just had a bit of a disagreement is all. But really I have to go or I’ll be late,” She slung her purse over her shoulder and quickly bent down to kiss Remus on the cheek. “Bye love!” She smiled then gave him another peck for good measure. Remus glanced at the boy and saw he was frowning.

“I’ll be back after class!” Alice called over her shoulder as she walked out the door.

Silence. Long. Awkward. Silence.

“She seems nice.” The boy finally said, though his mood seemed more subdued than when he first arrived.

“What exactly are you doing here?” Remus asked, “Not that I don’t find your company stimulating, but as you can see,” Remus motioned his hand around the empty room, “I’m _very_ busy.”

“Ah yes, terribly busy,” The boy teased back, lifting a handful of Remus’ cut out words that lay on the desk. “Uh, what exactly are these for?”

“Nothing,” Remus replied. “They are just words.”

“No shit, but you cut them out...and just what? Do nothing with them? What’s the point?”

“The point is it helps me focus my mind. The words are so small, you need to have extreme patience and concentration to precisely trace them out.” Remus paused giving the boy a once over, “Traits I assume you lack.” Remus added, making sure to sound rude but the boy only laughed.

“Right you are there.” He said a bit absent-mindedly as he sifted through the words with a furrowed brow.

After a moment, he looked up and asked, “But you never do anything with them?”

“No. I just like to cut them out.”

“Seems like a waste.”

“Its really not if it helps keep me sane.”

Remus watched as the boy's eyes flicked to the bandages wrapped around both his wrists. Remus sighed. “As you can see,” He lifted both his hands “I’m not allowed to do this little hobby of mine without another person present.” Remus grimaced. “Scissors.”

“Oh, hmm I see.” The boy said a bit awkwardly. He shuffled his feet.

“You never answered my question before,” Remus said in an obvious attempt to change the subject.

The boy raised an eyebrow, “And what was that?”

Remus huffed impatiently, “You're a stranger. In my room. I don’t even know your name. Why are you here?”

The boy grinned again while looking under his eyelashes and Remus had to bite his lip to keep from giving out an involuntary moan at the imagine this boy made. He was like a walking wet dream. And Remus really hoped he couldn’t see the flush that started to seep onto Remus’ cheeks.

“You're funny you know,” He said casually. Plopping himself down on the chair next Remus’ bed like he belonged there. “Though I expected a bit more of a welcome than this.”

Remus gritted his teeth, “How exactly would you have me act?”

“Oh, I dunno,” He said, “Maybe something like, ‘thank you kind stranger for saving my arse yesterday, without you I would have surely perished’--”

He blinked his eyes up at Remus, his smile falling off his face, “Wait, how extreme _are_ your medical issues?” His eyes widened at his own words, _"Fuck,_ I mean um--is that rude to ask? Did I just sound like a prick?”

Remus tried. He really did. But he just couldn't completely hide the smile that stretched its way across his face at the boys useless rambling.

The boy looked confused. Probably expecting Remus to yell or call him an arse. Remus found it very amusing. But he also didn’t want to talk about his ‘issues’ at the moment, especially to this boy. Not that Remus was ashamed, no definitely not. It was just that it felt nice to be talking to someone who wasn’t from Psych or Medical. Someone he could just have a normal conversation with if he wanted. Someone who wouldn’t define Remus by his illnesses or try to categorize him.

At least, Remus hoped he wouldn’t. He felt a nervous flutter of anxiety at the thought but held it back.

So instead of answering him Remus asked, “Do you ever plan to tell me your name or shall I guess?”

The boy let out a bark of laughter and Remus wanted more of that. He suddenly felt as if he would do anything just for _more more more_ of that sound and _Jesus fucking Christ_ that _smile._

“You could try though I guarantee you would lose.”

“I wasn’t aware it was a challenge but you should know I always play to win.” Remus stated, then tensed up immediately because shit, did he just _flirt? Was that considered flirting?_

The boy looked momentarily surprised before he relaxed into an easy grin.

“You're on.” He smirked leaning forward, “What do I get when I win Remus?”

Remus could barely hear him over the sound of his own heart racing. The boys elbows propped up on Remus bed, his face so close Remus could only stare. The boy had high cheek bones and one of those noses that ski sloped down so perfectly. And not to mention his lips, that metal ring he kept sucking into his mouth…

“You know what I _really_ want Remus,” The dark haired boy bent closer, his voice low and his words slow. Remus' eyes bulged because his face was only inches from his own now and his head was tilting to the side as if he--“what I really would like is--” And for the first time in Remus’ life he was actually thankful for the coughing fit that interrupted the boy's speech.

“Shit--Remus, are you okay?” The boy stood up but Remus shooed at him while coughing into the crook of his elbow. “Just--mmph--get a nurse--please--”

The boy nodded and quickly ran out the door. Remus laid back on the bed and rested a hand over his chest, his breathing choked and ragged. He felt like shit yes, and he was continuously chanting, _breathe breathe breathe_ but his mind was also screaming, _what the fuck just happened? What the bloody hell--Did I almost get KISSED? Was he going to KISS me?!?!_

Remus’ internal dialogue came to a halt when two nurses ran in, checking his pulse and making him sit up to drink some water while the boy shuffled in the back trying to peer and make sure Remus was okay.

One of the nurses looked over her shoulder and spotted him, frowning she asked, “Are you related to the patient?”

“Uh, no, um not related per se but--”

“Then I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” The nurse stated firmly.

“But--”

“He needs to rest. Now please leave.”

The boy bit his lip looking over at Remus, he didn’t want to leave. _He actually didn’t want to leave! How was that even possible_ \-- Another wretched cough had the nurse shooing the boy out the door. He called over his shoulder, “I’ll come back, Remus! Don’t worry I’ll--” His voice died as the door got shut behind him.

Remus closed his eyes, not sure if he wanted those words to be true or not.

 

After he calmed his breathing the nurses brought him a tray of food and left with strict orders to eat every bite. Remus wasn't hungry, though. He couldn't stop his mind. He was overthinking _everything._ Remus looked over at the chair the boy had just been sitting in only minutes ago. Then he glanced at the pile of words sitting on the desk. God, the boy probably thought Remus was a weirdo. He should have lied, he should have said he used the words for...shit--he didn’t know, but he should have said anything other than--

Remus stilled and sucked in a breath because there on the desk, purposely separate from the pile, was a single word. _Freckles._

Remus touched a finger to the top of his nose, very much aware of the freckles that dotted the bridge there. And god, Remus knew he was just lying to himself. He knew what he wanted, and what he wanted had ridiculously long black hair, wore big stupid boots and apparently thought about Remus’ freckles.

Yes, for the first time in Remus Lupin’s life he could safely (yet regrettably) admit, he had it _bad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo the weird little 'cutting out words from magazines thing' that remus does is actually something i do irl and it is SUPER time consuming and really does acquire a lot of patience lol so ya sorry if this sucks?  
> btw i really love writing alice's character, shes a queen, so expect lots more of her.  
> OH and lily will be making an appearence next chapter yay


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is kissing and David Bowie and cell phone numbers exchanged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note: sirius and james go to an all boys school with frank. thats why james and sirius don't previously know alice or lily.  
> i really love this ch so i hope you all enjoy it as well C:  
> (also sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes!! i sadly have no beta reader)

Remus hated being the center of attention.

He especially hated it when the attention brought on certain subjects such as _secret admirers_ and _boys who save your arse and almost kiss you._ Yeah, Remus hated that. And at the moment, he also hated Frank and Alice.

“Tell me again what he looked like.” Frank told Remus, “And be very specific this time.”

Remus sighed, “I already told you everything, really--”

“Oh hell Remus,” Alice exclaimed, “you only left out all the good bits.”

Frank smiled, clearly amused by making Remus suffer and said, “Start from the beginning once more.”

The three teenagers were sitting around various spots in Remus room. His _real_ room, not the horribly dull hospital room he had been sleeping in for almost a week. He was glad to be back though the room seemed almost bare now that his roommate had been released just a day before. But Remus did like having his own space because it meant Alice and Frank could hang around more. Even if all they did was make Remus re-live his misery.

“I told you, he had longish black hair and a lip ring and acted like a total idiot,” Remus stated in a casual tone like the whole subject was getting boring when in reality Remus’ mind was practically screaming. So many thoughts and images of the boy filled his head that it felt like there was never a time he hadn’t been pining for him, whatever his stupid name happened to be.

Alice who was lying on Remus’ bed (while Remus was forced to sit crossed legged in the desk chair) with Franks head resting on her stomach, sat up making Frank topple to the side.

“You’ve only failed to mention how gorgeous he was. But you did get the idiot part correct. Know anyone like that Frank?” She asked looking down at her boyfriend who had his thinking face on.

“Maybe…” His voice trailed off in thought. “Wait, Remus, you said he made it seem as if he had an unusual name like you wouldn't be able to guess what it was right?”

Remus nodded, “Yeah but--”

“And you also said he was an egotistical prat?”

“Don’t forget wanna be punk.” Alice chimed in and Frank’s face broke into a grin.

“Holy fuck. I know who that is, and,” He paused laughing hard, “he would kill you if he heard you say that Alice.”

Remus who had previously been resting his elbows on his knees with his face in his hands, spinning about in the chair a bit aimlessly, suddenly dropped his arms and sat up straight. “You know who he is?” He squawked and Frank nodded, too busy rolling around on the bed laughing to speak coherently.

“Well spit it out Frankie, what's the blokes bloody name?” Alice asked making Frank hush his giggling and sit up.

“His name,” Frank told Remus, “is Sirius Black. We’re okay friends, he and his two best mates, they get up to a lot of trouble,” Frank began with a laugh, “like this one time James--”

“Frank!” Remus yelled impatiently and Alice yanked him by his shirt and glared, “If you don’t stay focused and tell us everything you know about Sirius Black right this minute, I won’t put out for a _month."_ She threatened and Remus could hear Frank swallow loudly as he nodded.

“So what’s he like?” Remus asked and Frank snorted loudly. “He’s a prat but a good mate. Fun at a party, you know?”

Remus rolled his eyes, not exactly the type of information he was interested in.

“Look,” Frank said, “I’m not best mates with the bloke but,” His voice trailed off into a grin as he shook his head in disbelief, “I find it hard to believe that Sirius Black is into guys. I mean the git can catch any bird with just a look alone. He has a new girl hanging off his arm every other week. The guy practically--Ow!” Alice nudged Frank hard in the ribs. She motioned her eyes to Remus who was looking down at his lap, his face pale and blank.

Alice widened her eyes at Frank and mouthed, _Fix this._

“Er uh, not to say that he couldn’t also be into blokes as well.” Frank laughed nervously.

Alice glared at Frank before saying softly to Remus, “You gave Emily the note, he’ll show Remus. I know he will.”

Remus bite the inside of his lip and nodded mutely.

He already felt horribly numb.

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Sirius pouted, he pleaded, he begged James for mercy, but the messy haired boy would not listen.

His great words of advice to Sirius were, “Just act cool, yeah?” And Sirius _hated_ him.

Sirius was in a state of deep moping and sulking caused by his visit with Remus on Monday. It was Friday now and he felt even worse than before. He was embarrassed about the ‘almost kiss’. Not only was Remus not interested (except he did flirt that one time, _didn’t he?)_ but he had a bloody girlfriend. Alice or whatever her name was. She was pretty and outspoken and called him love when she left the room. Remus probably _loved_ kissing _her._

Sirius hadn’t even known what he was thinking, the boy was just so--so _fucking adorable_ \-- Acting all aloof, then smiling at Sirius in a way that made his insides feel all funny. He just couldn’t help but lean in and...Remus had looked shocked, scared even, which had probably triggered the coughing fit.

God, Sirius had never felt more ashamed in his whole life. You don’t just walk into a bloody hospital kissing ill boys! No matter how irritating and attractive they are, it simply isn’t done.

“I don’t know what the bloody issue is. I swear you grow more dramatic each day.” James said casually, a chipper smile on his face as he practically _dragged_ Sirius across the parking lot of Holly Pine.

“I don’t know why _you_ insist on doing this to me! You know how fragile my emotional state is right now.” Sirius said with a pout.

James sighed, “Yes well, as pathetic as that is--”

“Hey!--”

“--as _very sad_ and _pathetic_ as that is,” James continued with a glare at Sirius who shut his mouth with another obvious pout. “You need to get over it because you're driving me bloody nutty with this whole _'Remus has a girlfriend and I almost kissed him and now he hates me’_ shit. I swear mate you brought this on yourself, your sulking was starting to scare mum you know.”

James laughed, “A bit funny actually that was, but,” He tried to turn his expression serious but failed miserably, “you still need to fix this whole mess with Remus.”

Sirius groaned, “Ugh. Fine. But tell me the steps again.” Sirius was nervous and good god if he was actually asking for James’ relationship advice he was already totally fucked.

James grinned, “Knew you’d come around mate.”

Right before they got to the big double doors that lead to the Medical ward, Sirius got yanked aside by James. He scowled, ready to tell James off for manhandling him when James spoke, “Okay, so step number one.” And Sirius perked up (while simultaneously pretending to be still sulking) to listen.

“Step one is asking about his health. But no personal questions, Sirius.” James warned with a look. Sirius rolled his eyes. Jamie had no faith in him. Sirius could be tactful if he tried.

“Just a simple, “How are you feeling today?” will suffice. Got it?” James asked and Sirius shook his head yes. Step one, easy.

“Step two is going to be a bit trickier for you. But please, for the love of all that’s holy, _do not_ mention anything about the kiss--”

“Almost kiss actually.” Sirius interrupted and James exclaimed, “Exactly!” like he was a bloody genius.

“That's why you can’t say anything about it because who knows, he might be really daft and not have even realized what was happening.” Sirius opened his mouth, ready to defend Remus’ honor when James continued, “Or better yet, he might have actually been into it and that my friend, brings me to step three.” James said with a proud smirk that made Sirius kinda hate himself for allowing James to drag him down here.

He knew James really was only being so adamant about the whole visiting Remus thing because he wanted an excuse to see Evans in the Psych ward where she volunteered weekends. What she did, Sirius had observed during his brief stay, was lots of dreadfully boring small tasks like filings things and typing other things into a computer and just general _things_ like that. Sirius secretly admired her patience for the mundane.

“Alright, let’s hear it.” Sirius said, wanting to get this over with. The sooner he saw Remus the faster he could leave. But despite his doubts, he really hoped this would work. Even if it was James’ plan.

 _Because honestly,_ Sirius thought, _how could I ever forget about those freckles or that voice or god forbid, that smile that lifted more on the left, creating a small dimple, or...Fuck focus._

Sirius cleared his mind while James grasped him by the shoulders, “Step three is the most important of all--figuring out whether Alice is his girlfriend or not.” Sirius eyes widened and his heart beat nervously. James gripped tighter, “You can do this Sirius. Just a simple question, “Is Alice your girlfriend?” it’s practically small talk.”

Sirius nodded, “Right. Easy. Small talk.”

They both pushed past the door and started walking down the almost empty hallway.

“To be honest, your nervousness is sorta freaking me out mate. I mean I’ve seen you pull girls without even half as much effort and this-”

“Yes James, but all those times weren’t important cause they were _girls."_ Sirius pointed out, “And this is _Remus_ who is a _boy._ It's loads different.” Sirius paused then added, “And not to mention he has the preferred--”

“Ah, okay! Enough, I get it! You like Remus because he’s very much a male. I get it, but please god no details.”

Sirius smiled, “I’m glad you understand, knew there was a brain in there somewhere.” James glared and Sirius suddenly felt giddy.

He was going to see Remus, and who cared that he was most likely straight and had a girlfriend, Sirius could still look. He could still make the boy scowl, then smile, he could still ask him questions and just listen to Remus talk...they didn’t need to kiss, hell they didn’t need to _ever_ kiss. If that’s what Remus wanted, Sirius would be happy with anything given to him.

“Alright Jamie, I’m going to do this.”

James thumped him on the back, “That’s what I like to hear, but Sirius,” he asked, “you're positive I can’t just peek my head in for a moment?”

“Ugh, James no. It’s weird enough I’m going to visit him, I don’t need to start bringing all my mates too. Remus is very...particular okay? He wouldn't like all the attention.”

James scoffed, “Okay, Mr. I’ve Only Met Him Twice. I just want to see what the bloke looks like is all.” James leaned in a bit with a teasing smile, “I mean he must be pretty special to have gotten your panties in a twist right?”

Sirius shoved him, “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ve told you what he looks like plenty of times already.”

“You getting all poetic about the color of his eyes doesn't count Sirius.”

Sirius pinched his eyebrows together in annoyance, his cheeks turning slightly pink at James’ words. “Just--just go bother Evans until I’m done okay?”

James lifted his hand in a mock salute, “I wish you the best of luck in pursuing your love,” James ducked as Sirius tried to hit him. He ran out of reach laughing and turned, walking backwards yelled, “Remember the steps! And try not to make a complete arse of yourself yeah?” Before he rounded a corner and was out of sight.

 

Sirius walked until he spotted the secretary's desk. He still felt like a total prick for being so rude the other day so he gave her a charming smile and was just about to walk pass when she chimed out, “You won’t find him there anymore.”

Sirius stopped. He turned around and asked confused, “What do you mean? Are you talking about Remus? Is he okay? Where is he?” Sirius looked about frantically.

The lady laughed, “How cute. And to think he thought you wouldn't show.”

Sirius opened his mouth to say something when the lady thrust a paper into his hands. “He didn’t give me a name but he did say ‘give this to the idiot with long dark hair and a lip ring’ so are you Remus’ boyfriend or not?”

Sirius was pretty sure his mind had dissipated with the words _Remus’ boyfriend,_ but he tried to play it cool and asked, “Er, is that what Remus called me?” _So not cool, rethink!_ “I mean I, yes, I’m the idiot. Thank you.” He quickly grabbed the paper out of her hands before he could make a bigger arse of himself and walked a couple paces away so she wouldn’t watch him read it. The note was written in a neat hand that slanted harshly towards the right. It said:

 

_Dear Stranger,_

_If you're reading this then congratulations!-- you're still a stalker. A rather persistent one but kudos for the effort I suppose. You did say you’d be back and I would hate to have you barging into an unsuspecting patients room thinking I would still be there, thus why I am writing to you. So if you insist on visiting my room number is 22A. It's in Psychiatrics._

_If you’ve changed your mind I understand.  -R_

 

Sirius smiled through the whole letter until he got to the last sentence. Did Remus really think that just because he was in the Psych ward now Sirius wouldn’t want to see him? If anything it made Sirius want to see him all the more because it meant that he was healthy enough to leave Medical and that made Sirius ecstatic.

Sirius grinned to himself and clutched the letter once more, memorizing Remus’ room number before stuffing the note into his pocket. He took off down the hallway that connected Psych and Medical, not even caring at the adults that yelled at him to slow down. He felt too care free at the moment. He couldn’t stop thinking, _Remus wrote me a letter! Remus actually took the time to write me a letter, he cares whether I show up or not! Even if he didn’t really say it doesn’t matter! I know he wants me to visit. Remus Remus Remus--_

Sirius slowed his pace as he came upon the door that read _Psychiatric_ in bold lettering. He pushed the door open and made to look for the correct room when he heard a familiar, if obnoxious, laugh.

From the corner of his eye, Sirius could see James, leaning against a bookcase like an idiot while a girl with red hair sat on the ground surrounded by stacks of books, perhaps organizing by the looks of it. Sirius laughed to himself as he watched James purposely mess up his hair, before quickly ducking his head so he wouldn’t be spotted and continued on his way to room 22A.

_Remember the steps, step one ask about health, step two--fuck what was step two? Oh yeah, step two not talking about the almost kiss, step three find out if Alice is--_

Sirius stopped his internal dialogue when he suddenly ran into something solid.

“Shit. Sorry there mate, I--” His voice died when he looked up to see a familiar face looking back at him.

_"Remus?"_

Remus’ dark eyes were widened in surprise before he gave a smile. “Hello, stranger.” He said and Sirius felt like melting into his voice.

Sirius must have made some sort of embarrassing sound because the boy grinned, freckles scrunching up slightly along his nose. Sirius was happy to notice that besides the dark bags under his eyes, Remus looked well. He was wearing a pair of jeans that had a hole in the knee and an ugly brown jumper.

Sirius loved it.

“We have to stop meeting in hallways like this,” Sirius said, not taking his eyes off Remus for a moment.

“Not likely, seeing as this whole place is made up of hallways,” Remus stated and Sirius found himself actually happy to be back in Psychiatrics because now it didn’t hold the same meaning it once had. This was where he would find Remus. And suddenly it seemed like the most beautiful place in all of England.

“I see you got my note.”

“I did.”

“And you still decided to continue stalking me.” Remus looked confused, “Why?”

“I like you, Remus. You're funny.” _And attractive and strange and fucking goddamn freckles._

He scowled a bit at that, “I’m glad I amuse you,” He paused, biting his bottom lip in thought before adding, “Sirius Black.”

Sirius gaped at him then sputtered, “But how--When--” His eyes suddenly lit up, “Oh you’ve been talking to Evans haven’t you? James said--I should have know--.” He frowned then quickly rushed, “I promise Remus, whatever that women told you about me is a _lie."_

“Evans?” Remus asked, “You know Lily Evans?”

“My friend James fancies himself in love with her. Isn’t that who told you my name?”

Remus groaned, “Oh god.” He smacked himself in the forehead. “No, no it was my friend Frank. But please don’t tell me you're the prat who's friends with the bloke that Lily has a crush on.” Remus closed his mouth tightly, hoping he didn’t just say that last bit out loud.

“Frank?” Sirius asked then his eyes widened dramatically as he took in Remus’ words. He gasped, “Remus--Lily hates James! She makes a clear point to tell him every chance she gets! How could she possibly fancy him?”

Remus shrugged, “Playing hard to get? I don’t bloody know. You can’t say anything to James though, Lily would kill me.” Remus looked at Sirius who was smiling smugly because he knew something James didn’t. _God, James would go berserk if he knew that Lily--_

Remus placed a hand on Sirius' shoulder and pulled him forward an inch. “Please, Sirius.” Remus pleaded, “You can’t say a word.” And Sirius should have told him his name sooner because the way it sounded coming out of that perfect mouth was almost sinful.

“Cross my heart and swear to die.” Sirius murmured, slightly distracted by Remus’ sudden intense eye contact and his warm hand still pressed onto Sirius’ shoulder.

After a brief stare down where Sirius was so sure Remus meant to lean in and kiss him, they broke apart and Remus looked at the floor, suddenly interested in the patterned tile. “Would you like to see my room?” He asked almost shyly.

Sirius said yes and they walked the rest of the way with Sirius telling the tale of how his mum had sent him to Holly Pine and how he now lived with James because he couldn’t stand being around his own family. Remus nodded a couple times but had been fairly silent.

When they got to his room Sirius was surprised to see how neat and clean it was. Remus really didn’t own many things, there was a large stack of books and magazines and a couple of semi-deflated balloons floated in the corner, and the same potted plants he had seen in the hospital room had been moved back with Remus. There was a small portable record player that lay open on a desk, Sirius fingered through a stack of albums before putting on David Bowie’s, _Ziggy Stardust._ He turned it low and then laid on his back next Remus on the bed.

The bed was small, only really meant for one person so Sirius ended up pressed shoulder to ankle against Remus who didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. His voice was quiet as he started to chat about David Bowie and how great the album was.

“Honestly, top ten best albums of all time,” Remus said and Sirius felt something in his chest expand. Laying side by side, discussing good music. Sirius almost fell in love.

It was then, with Remus confessing his fondness for the album _Hunky Dory,_ that Sirius remembered the steps.

With a jolt, he quickly asked, “How are you feeling?”

Remus gave him an odd look at the sudden question, “Uh, fine, I--”

“Also how are things with Alice?” Sirius interrupted, “She seems great, as far as girlfriends go and all. A real keeper.” Sirius babbled and Remus turned his head to look at Sirius properly.

“Alice isn’t my girlfriend Sirius.” He said, his eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, “Did you really think that she was?” He asked.

“Well, she called you love and gave you a kiss. I could only assume that she--” Remus, the adorable arse, started laughing.

“I’m sorry, it's just no. Her and Frank are dating and we’ve been best friends for years. To think of her that way is…” He scrunched up his nose and made a face that had the word _cute_ screaming through Sirius' head, “it’s disgusting, to be honest.” Remus admitted.

“Are you gay then?” Sirius asked eagerly. And to his utter disappointment, Remus replied with, “No. Are you?”

Sirius felt his face fall but quickly reigned in his emotions and gave a fake smile. “No,” Sirius lied, “I’m a 100% into chicks. You know, straight as an arrow and all that.” Normally Sirius wouldn’t lie about his sexual orientation but he didn’t know Remus all that well yet and couldn’t guess whether that information would freak him out or not. And he _really_ didn’t want to freak him out. Sirius wanted to keep him just like he was, pressed close to Sirius.

Remus snorted and said amused, “Oh, I see.” He turned his head forward again so all Sirius could see was his profile. It was silent for a moment before Remus said without looking over, “I’m bisexual actually.”

Sirius’ mouth dropped open, _"What?_ But you just said you weren’t gay.”

Remus rolled over onto his side. Their faces only inches apart now. “That’s because I’m _not_ gay, I’m bi. Meaning I like both males and females?” Sirius nodded in understanding, his heart thumping in his chest. _I have a chance now, Remus is into blokes, he--Oh fuck, he thinks I’m straight, I need to fix this, I--_

“I’m gay.” Sirius blurted out before he knew what he was saying. His cheeks burned and that pissed Sirius off because _Blacks most certainly do not blush!_

Remus laughed softly, his breath ghosting over Sirius’ cheeks, “Really? I thought you just got finished saying how straight you were. You even went as far as to compare your straightness to an arrow.” Sirius bit his lip, sucking the metal ring into his mouth, he felt like a _complete git._

He watched Remus’ eyes darken for a brief moment before he teased with a grin, “You should know Sirius, that no one even says that anymore.”

Sirius took a deep breath before he dived in, “I lied because you said you weren’t gay so I didn’t want to creep you out if that sort of thing _does_ creep you out. Now I know it doesn’t so yeah. I’m gay. Like really fucking gay.” Sirius finished lamely and kinda both hated and loved the smirk on Remus’ face. _And, Jesus fucking Christ. I can now add_ sexy _to the list of words under Remus’ name, the stupid bi idiot._

“Sirius, are you telling me that you lied about being gay because you thought I might be homophobic or some rubbish like that?”

Sirius nodded, and Remus continued, “Then how do I know you're not lying now? Frank seemed convinced that you only like girls.” Remus frowned, “He said you’ve always had loads of different girlfriends.”

Sirius tentatively grabbed Remus’ hand. Fingers sliding together and locking. And Sirius let out a sigh of relief because Remus hadn’t pulled away. _I’m holding his hand. Holy fuck._

“It’s not a secret, just not many of my mates know because I’ve never actually dated a bloke before.” Sirius paused and fidgeted, “The girls, it just seemed easier you know?”

Remus gave his hand a squeeze, “I believe you,” He whispered.

They just stared at one another for a long moment before Sirius plucked up the courage and leaned his head forward an inch, then hesitated, before he crossed the distance between them and laid a gentle kiss on Remus’ mouth.

It was soft and sweet but Sirius had never had a better kiss in all his life. He pulled back and Remus had his eyes closed, his lips parted slightly and Sirius couldn’t help himself. He leaned forward again but this time, he swiped his tongue across Remus’ bottom lip. The boy beneath him opened his mouth wider to let Sirius in. And Sirius moaned quietly at the minty chocolate taste he found there. Remus responded by rolling them so he was laid halfway on Sirius.

“I’ve never done that before.” Remus murmured, his head pulled back so he could see Sirius’ face. “It was...nice.” He said thoughtfully.

Sirius laughed, “You’ve never kissed anyone before and all you have to say is it’s _nice?_ You wound me, Remus.” They were only faintly aware of the record ending, the sound of Bowie’s voice fading into the background a long time ago.

Remus didn’t reply, only bent his head forward to bite Sirius’ bottom lip into his mouth. That shut Sirius up and Remus sucked and pulled until Sirius moaned softly, weaving his hands through Remus’ hair and taking his mouth into his own to snog him properly.

They were soon interrupted by a loud knocking on the door.

There was a female’s voice behind it yelling, “Remus! Remus, are you in there? If you are, open UP NOW!” There was the muffled voice of someone else that Sirius could only slightly hear over the pounding of the door.

Remus jumped up from bed, “Shit. Lily.” He said, looking over at Sirius with an apologetic look, “Brace yourself.” He warned as he slowly turned the handle of the door.

It quickly swung wide open, barely giving Remus enough time to step back. Lily rushed in, not even turning to look at Sirius and fixed Remus with a hard glare.

“Remus, tell me it isn’t true. Tell me you haven’t really shacked up with Sirius B--”

“I wouldn't say ‘shacking up’ but you did just interrupt a very _nice_ \--” He gave Remus a lewd wink, “--snogging session,” Sirius stated casually, lying fully on his back with his hands under his head like he didn’t have a care in the world. He guessed that James must have broken the news to her. The stupid git.

Lily’s mouth hung open for a second longer before it snapped shut and she turned frantically to Remus, “Out of all the people in England Remus!”

Remus smiled sheepishly with a shrug, “He’s quite good looking?”

Sirius sat up appalled, counting words on his fingers, “Not to mention clever, smart, the funniest--”

Lily sighed in frustration, “I can’t believe this.” She muttered as Sirius continued to list off various attributes of himself.

“You get used to him, really,” Remus admitted and Lily threw him a glare.

The door had fallen half shut behind Lily and was now squeaked opened as someone else pushed through. “Is it safe to come in now?” James asked, looking around the room before his eyes fell on Remus. And Sirius just knew he would somehow make this embarrassing.

“Sure Lily, James, come on in.”Sirius muttered bitterly, “It's not like Remus and I wanted to be alone or anything.”

James ignored Sirius and looked Remus up and down before his face broke into a grin. “Your Remus right?” He asked and Remus nodded holding out a hand but James just laughed, pulling him into a tight hug. _And nope, this can’t be good._

“Sirius talks so much about you I feel like we’ve been mates for a long time.”

_Yep, there it is._

James words sent Sirius sputtering, “That--that is a lie!” He cried out but Remus had already turned to give him a rather shy half smirk, before looking back at James.

“Is that so?” Remus asked and James nodded eagerly.

“Oh yeah, you should hear the things he--”

“Okay, James!” Sirius jumped off the bed and slapped a hand over James’ mouth with a fake smile, stifling his voice, “That’s enough sharing time. You wanted to meet Remus and now you have so kindly bugger off.” Sirius said through gritted teeth.

“But I was just saying how--”

To everyone's surprise, it was Lily who intervened this time, “Walk me home Potter, will you? My shift is practically over.”

Sirius tried to give her a thankful look but she threw him a face that said, _Don’t you dare say a word about this,_ so Sirius turned to James and nudged him out of his stupor.

“Wha--Yeah, of, of course. I’d love to Lily.” James stuttered and Lily rolled her eyes. She looked to Remus with a, what-am-I-going-to-do-with-you sigh, before walking out of the room, flicking her long red hair behind her.

James watched her leave then gave Sirius a suggestive wink, “Told you she was in love with me.” He said proudly.

Sirius rolled eyes, “Just because she wants you to walk her home doesn’t mean--”

“Ah, well it was simply fascinating meeting you, Remus.” James said loudly, drowning out Sirius' voice. “Take care of this one, yeah?” He grinned, tilting his head towards Sirius. Remus only managed a slightly confused nod before James bolted out the door.

“Well, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.” Remus confessed after a moment of silence. He sat in the desk chair and Sirius flopped back on the bed with a long sigh.

“I hate our friends.” Sirius said glumly because Remus was now all the way over on the other side of the room. Which was way too far when only minutes ago, before Lily and James had barged in, Remus had actually been _laying_ _on top of Sirius._

 _We were snogging,_ Sirius mind informed him with glee, _actual, real, snogging. How did I get so lucky?_

Sirius glanced over at Remus who was fidgeting with the sleeves of his jumper and looking down at his lap. He peeked his eyes up to Sirius and blushed to find Sirius already staring at him. Remus looked away quickly.

“Do you want to go somewhere?” He asked, still purposely looking away. Sirius found the odd moments of shyness extremely humorous and just a tad adorable. _Okay, maybe a lot adorable._

“Lead the way.”

Remus sat up and opened the door. And Sirius tried, he really did. But he just couldn’t help but stare at his arse as Remus walked by. _To be fair, it is a rather perfect arse,_ Sirius thought without an ounce of shame.

Remus glanced over his shoulder, looking like he both wanted to blush and roll his eyes. He shook his head with a small smile, “Come on, you perv.” And grabbed Sirius by the elbow and pulled them out of the room.

Sirius felt as though he’d never been happier. Pervy stalker or not, he couldn't help the grin that found its way upon his face.

______________________________________________________________________________

 

As Remus led them down the hallway that would take them outside to the courtyard, he kept glancing down at Sirius' hand.

It was only a few inches away from his own and was swinging lightly with every step Sirius took. Remus could so easily reach out and take it. It would be simple really. But suddenly the small gesture seemed anything but _simple._ And Remus felt his heartbeat increase with his fast approaching anxiety.

_You're acting like a child, he kissed you for god sakes! Just reach out and--_

“So where are you taking me?” Sirius asked and Remus breathed out in deep relief. The whole hand holding business put aside as he focused on the question.

“There’s this spot outside, it's kinda secret but I like to--”

“You get to go outside in this bloody prison!? I was never allowed outside.” Sirius pouted.

Remus laughed at Sirius’ dramatics, “It's not a prison and yes I can. But you're right, _you_ wouldn't have been able to go outside seeing as you were only just admitted. You kinda have to earn it, you see.” Remus explained as he pushed open a door that read, _Cupid’s Courtyard._

Sirius lifted an eyebrow at the name and Remus grimaced hoping Sirius wouldn’t think too much of it, “Yeah, a bloody stupid name.” Remus mumbled.

Sirius laughed, the metal ring in his lip catching the sun as they stepped outside. “I find it rather fitting.” He said as he leaned closer and grabbed Remus’ hand.  

Remus looked down at their conjoined hands with a small smile. Turns out he might have a better week than he previously assumed.

 _Cupid’s Courtyard_ wasn’t much to brag about, just some tall shrubs and a roundabout walkway, littered with wild flowers and various benches for patients to lounge on. But it was through a couple of overgrown bush’s that Remus’ secret spot was located. It seemed one of the previous landscapers had overlooked this particular area and had let the plants grow tall and unruly, blocking the small nook and bench that was hidden behind it.

None of the other patients knew about it. And Remus had never shown it to anyone mostly because it was his place to be alone in. To think or just read. Really, it was just a nice little spot, secluded from everything else. Even though anyone could easily push back the leaves and find it. It still seemed rather secret and Remus liked that.

There were a few people walking about, even with the cool breeze it was still fairly sunny out. Remus smiled politely at them and continued to pull Sirius along.

When Remus stopped them Sirius looked both confused and amused, “Is there a reason why we're standing in front of a bunch of bushes?”

Remus laughed, “It's what’s behind it that’s important.” He looked around to make sure no one was watching and pushed through two of the bushes, gesturing for Sirius to follow.

It was fairly easy getting to, that is if you didn't mind a couple leaves in your mouth or stick poking you in the eye but the seclusion it held was worth it.

Sirius huffed, pulling plant debris out of his hair, making Remus smile. “Here I got it--” Remus said, sifting through Sirius’ silky, dark hair and plucking out all the leaves. If Remus pretended there were more leaves than there actually was, just to prolong the intimate contact, well Sirius would never know.

“Wow,” Sirius said impressed, “this is bloody brilliant.” He took a seat on the stone bench and leaned against the backrest. Remus sat beside him, contemplating how close was _too_ close, and what wasn’t close _enough._

He settled on just being near enough that their knees were touching but shifted his torso so there was space between them. They watched in comfortable silence as a small bird flew down and poked around in the grass. Remus jumped suddenly when he felt a warm pressure on his lower thigh and looked down to see Sirius’ fingers splayed out and moving back and forth slightly along the material of his jeans.

“This is nice,” Sirius said, still watching the bird hop about.

Remus swallowed, “Just nice?” And Sirius turned his head to look at him with a quirk of a smile.

“I suppose it could be a bit...nicer.” Sirius shifted closer and the pressure on Remus’ thigh increased. He bent his head forward just an inch away from Remus’ mouth as Remus tried to steady his breathing.

Sirius nudged his nose against Remus’ but never made the move to kiss him. And Remus watched as Sirius licked his lips, sucking that fucking ring into his mouth. He let out a rather undignified squeak when Sirius moved his hand higher and placed it so it was now rubbing along the inside of his thigh.

“What are you doing?” Remus’ voice shook but Sirius must have liked that because he bit his lip, eyes watching Remus intently.

“I don’t know.” He muttered, his eyes fluttering shut. “I just want to…” His voice trailed off as he finally kissed Remus hard on the mouth.

The two boys kissed heatedly for a long couple of minutes but when Remus started to feel himself getting hard he froze. Shit. _Shit._ He didn’t want Sirius to accidentally (or purposely) move his hand and feel how much Remus was enjoying this. The thought was just too embarrassing.

Sirius didn’t seem to notice how rigid Remus had gotten and continued to kiss him with fever. _And really,_ Remus’ mind was spinning, _he’s a bloody great kisser._

“Sirius, wait.” Remus mumbled against his mouth, “Stop please.” He said, his breath still heavy and Sirius pulled back with a frown.

“What is it?” And without waiting for an answer he looked down at Remus’ lap where his hand was now only an inch away from Remus’ crotch. Remus felt himself flush and wanted to die as Sirius’ face processed the lump in Remus’ jeans.

“Oh.” Sirius muttered and moved his hand away quickly. He looked away with his cheeks faintly pink.

“That's um--that's fine. I, I have to be leaving soon anyways.” Sirius stumbled a bit over his words which Remus could tell meant he was just as affected as Remus was. “Mrs. Potter will throw a fit if I’m not back by dinner.”

After a moment, he glanced back over at Remus and smiled while tugging his piercing into his mouth. Remus felt his breath stutter and his chest expand with longing. Not trusting himself to speak he just nodded jerkily and Sirius grabbed his hand again.

“I’ll walk you to your room if you like.”

Remus huffed, “What a gentleman you are Sirius Black.”

“Told you I was.” Sirius reminded him and Remus couldn’t stop staring into those silver-gray eyes. They were so bright, he fancied that they held the sun in them.

When they finally reached Remus room, Sirius stopped him before he walked inside.

“Can I have your number?” He blurted out then scrunched up his face in thought, “Wait, do they even let you have a phone here?”

“I know you think this is a prison but really it’s not.” Remus told him, “So the answer to that question is yes. I have a phone. My Aunt gave it to me so we could talk easier.” He explained.

Sirius nodded, “Sooo...can I?”

Remus laughed, “Yes, you may have my number, though I’ll probably end up regretting it but--” He eyed Sirius skeptically, “I don’t think I can say no to you.” A confession that had Sirius grinning like an idiot.

After they quickly exchanged numbers Sirius grabbed Remus by the back of the neck and yanked his body flush against his own. Remus rested his hands on his slim hips, trying to pull their bodies even closer as Sirius brought their mouths together in a searing kiss.

Sirius kissed him, hot and wet and for so long that Remus started to feel that familiar heat pooling in his lower stomach but it was only when a lady in posh high heels and a clip broad walked by and cleared her throat that they finally pulled apart.

Remus blushed, “Sorry.” He apologized to the lady who shook her head and continued down the hallway.

Sirius leaned in again and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek and jaw, “You're fucking adorable.” He whispered, making Remus blush deeper.

He pushed Sirius away, “Stop, your getting me in trouble.” But Sirius knew he didn’t mean it and kissed him once more before holding up his phone, “I’ll text you, yeah?” Remus nodded and Sirius grinned walking backwards so he wouldn’t let Remus out of his sight until he absolutely had to.

With Sirius gone, Remus opened his door and collapsed on the bed with a long sigh. He pressed a hand over his beating heart. Remus couldn't name how he felt. He only knew that it was different and _good._ And for the first time in a long time he felt as if everything would be okay. That in itself seemed like a miracle.

Remus clicked the lock screen on his phone, went to his contacts and just stared at Sirius’ name like a weirdo. He was sure he had the stupidest grin on his face and if anyone walked in he knew they would think he was having some sort of strange episode, involving manic smiling instead of depressive thoughts but Remus didn’t care.

He didn’t care because _Sirius black kissed me! Multiple times. He had his_ hand _on my leg! He asked for my number, he likes me. He actually bloody likes me._ That last thought was a strange one for Remus to comprehend. He’d never had a girlfriend or boyfriend. Hell, no one had even had a crush on him before.

The uncertainty of the whole situation sent spirals of anxiety through his body but instead of making Remus feel nervous or scared, it excited him and he felt anticipation for when he would see Sirius next.

Remus was actually looking forward to what the future held. And that thought alone made him laugh out loud, just imagining the look on his therapist's face if he ever told her that.

But it was true and in that moment, he didn’t have a care in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel bad i've only mentioned peter like once, i'll prob write him into the next ch  
> thnx for the read i love you all :*


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily has a confession, a poem is made but not read, and the boys won't stop kissing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *mentions of past suicide attempt nothing graphic or descriptive. also no smut in this one (yet) but things do get a little heated so be warned
> 
> when texting sirius is bold, remus is italics and alice is underlined italics. hope you all enjoy :3
> 
> OH and i would like to thank Jadeile for giving me the idea with the word poem back in ch2.

 

After Sirius left Holly Pine he met up with James and Peter at the corner park. The place was empty of children and the sky was a dark gray. The boys sat on top of the highest play structure, feet dangling over the edge and smoked cigarettes Peter had stolen from his dad.

“It was amazing.” James said, a stupid grin on his face, “When we got to the door she _almost_ smiled at me.” James sighed like all his dreams had come true.

“Uh, congrats mate.” Peter said like he wasn’t sure that was good news or not but wanted to be supportive none the less. Sirius just laughed, stubbing out a filter.

“Yeah James, congratulations on getting Evans to almost look like she was happy to be in your company. A real feat that is.” Sirius teased, knowing full well that Lily did indeed have a crush on James. He trusted Remus but still found it hard to believe, mostly because James was an idiot and Lily seemed to dislike him with a fiery passion. The crush was probably only microscopic if it was even there at all. Still, Sirius liked knowing something James didn’t. He was kind of a child like that.

“Nothing you say, Sirius Black, can bring me down today,” James stated in a cheery voice. He took a drag, then lifted the cigarette in front of his face, looking at it closely, “In fact, I think I’ll quit smoking. Lily hates it, you see.” He explained with a love sick look at Lily’s name. Sirius wanted to puke.

“You're  _serious_?” Peter asked incredulously, then realized what he said and looked at Sirius sheepishly, “Sorry mate.”

Sirius waved him off, “No Peters’ right, I mean you’d stop smoking just because Lily Evans doesn’t like it? You guys aren’t even dating!”

James scoffed, taking another drag like he didn’t even realize he was doing it. _God, he's an idiot._ “Oh please. Like you wouldn’t quit if Remus asked you to.”

“That’s--That’s irrelevant.” Sirius crossed his arms and raised his chin defiantly. James rolled his eyes, cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

“Remus? That's the bloke you met in the looney bin right?” Peter asked, opening a bag of Cheetos and crunching into one loudly. He didn’t seem to notice the death stare Sirius was now giving him.

“Dude Pete,” James began quickly before Sirius could, “not the correct term. Mental Health Institution please.”

Sirius huffed, crossing his arms and looking away. Peter, with a mouth full of Cheetos, glanced up confused before he saw the expression on Sirius’ face.

“Oh bugger, sorry Sirius. I didn’t mean it in a bad way or anything. I’m sure he’s a great guy. You know...not _crazy_ or--um shit, I’ll stop talking now.” Peter stuffed a handful of the chips into his mouth so he would shut up.

“It's alright Pete,” James said, thumping Peter on the shoulder, “Just don’t say stuff like in the future. Right, Sirius?”

“Hmph.” Sirius grunted, still sulking at the insult towards his boyfriend-- _Wait, what?_ _He’s_ not _my boyfriend. Is he? I mean we kissed, does that automatically mean boyfriend? Crap, what if Remus doesn’t want to be boyfriends? What if he--_

“I really am sorry Sirius. I promise I won’t--” Sirius lifted a hand to quiet Peter. His mind still racing with thoughts of _committed relationships._ Ugh, the words alone already made him feel all kinds of nervous that he wasn’t used to. He never had to deal with this kind of shit with girls. But Sirius liked Remus. He _really_ liked Remus. Would it be so bad to make it official? He didn’t want anyone else and Sirius was almost certain Remus didn’t either. _And why the fuck does it matter so much,_ Sirius thought. _Just let things play out, we don’t need to label anything right away. I barely even know the bloke for gods sakes!_

“Alright there Sirius?” Peter asked, looking at Sirius with mild concern.

“Uh yeah fine.” Sirius cleared his throat. “Just you know, having an internal crisis.”

“Ah well, that’s good.” James said cheerfully, not even listening to Sirius, “Hey let’s think of a new prank yeah? I have a few ideas that involve the teachers lounge in Wing B.” He raised an eyebrow in a tempting manner and grinned.

Sirius tried to nod along as James continued talking but was having trouble focusing. He wanted to text Remus and see how he was doing but knew that James and Peter would tease him mercilessly so he decided that it could wait till later.

“Peter, get out a piece of paper and write this down.” James said and Peter quickly grabbed his backpack to obey instruction.

______________________________________________________________________________

It had been a few hours since Sirius had left and Remus was now sitting at a table in the rec room, close enough to the secretary's desk that she could watch him as he cut words out of a National Geographic magazine. It involved the use of scissors and therefore, he needed to be supervised because apparently he couldn’t be trusted alone with a pair of bloody scissors.

The whole thing was ridiculous and made Remus feel like a child. He knew it was just a precaution and really it was his own fault but _still._ It wasn’t as if Remus wanted to off himself at any given opportunity. He’d had his ‘accident’ as Dr. Lee called it, almost two months ago. He’d been off suicide watch for a long while now, but still wasn’t entirely trusted with sharp objects. Remus’ had taken the bandages off his wrists just an hour ago though he would always have the scars. The doctor had told him he was lucky to be alive and Remus had very much agreed.

He was reading a paragraph on Great White Sharks when Remus felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He smiled to himself, his heart rate increasing. It had to be Sirius.

He pulled out his phone and swiped the lock screen open only to be utterly disappointed by Alice’s name under New Messages and not Sirius’.

_ you free rn? pls call me I must know EVERYTHING  _

Remus huffed out a small laugh. Of course Alice wouldn’t be satisfied with the message Remus had sent to her earlier, which just stated that Sirius had visited again and it had actually been quite good.

He dialed her number and she picked up on the first ring, “Remus!”

“Hello Alice, how are you today?”

“Oh, who cares about that. Just tell me what happened with you and lover boy.” She purred over the phone and Remus groaned.

“Ugh, please don’t call him that.”

“Too late it’s his nickname now. But hurry and tell, I’m meeting Frank in ten.”

“Okay, okay. Umm well, he got the note and I ran into him in the hall. He seemed...he seemed happy to see me.”

“Of course he was, he’s fucking over the moon about you Remus. Even an idiot could see that.”

Remus cleared his throat, felt his cheeks heat up at her words, “Yes well, I highly doubt _that_ but I took him to my room--”

“Remus Lupin, you sly thing! Did you get lucky? I bet you got lucky, that boy totally puts out.”

“Alice!” Remus yelled scandalized, he blushed a deep red. “It--It wasn’t like that at all. I mean we did kiss but it was very...sweet.”

“Oh my god! You kissed?” Alice squealed loudly and Remus pulled the phone away from his ear for a moment before saying, “Yes we--”

“Who kissed who?” She demanded.

“He kissed me first.” Remus told her, “Then Lily and his friend James came in. Lily was not happy, to say the least.”

Alice snorted, “Of course she wasn’t. I swear that girl is more uptight than Frank’s Grandmother.”

“Lily just thinks he’s annoying is all, but I think she’ll come around. She did distract James so Sirius and I could be left alone.”

“Oooh, what happened then?”

“We uh, we snogged more.” Remus let himself smile, remembering just how Sirius’ lips felt on his own.

“Come on Remus, I want details,” Alice whined just as Remus felt his phone vibrate.

“Hold on Alice I think someone texted me.” He pulled his phone away and sucked in a breath when he saw it was from Sirius.

“Shit Alice I have to go, it’s Sirius.” He told her quickly, wanting to hang up so he could read the message.

“Okay, but this isn’t over. And hey I’m coming to see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yes, that sounds lovely. See you Alice.”

“Bye Remus, tell lover boy I said hi.” Alice laughed, then finally hung up. Remus sighed in relief and quickly grabbed his magazine and gathered up the words into a plastic bag before he left the table. He gave a polite smile to the secretary as he handed her the scissors and then walked back to his room.

He laid out on his bed and opened the message.

**hey remus sooo i was thinkin, do u have any plans tomorrow?**

Remus rolled his eyes and typed out his message.

_You know I don’t. I’m stuck in prison, remember?_

**i love it when you get all sassy. does that mean i can come see you?**

Remus felt his chest expand and he let out a long breath. Sirius wanted to see him again. And so soon. Remus bit his lip hard, trying to contain a smile as he typed out a single word, _Yes._

After dinner Remus went back to his room and settled into his blankets. A nurse peeked in once to make sure all the patients were in bed and when she left he pulled out his phone. He typed out a text and sent it to Alice.

_Can’t hang out tomorrow, Sirius is visiting._

_slut._

Remus both laughed and blushed at Alice’s reply and tucked his phone under his pillow. He finally fell asleep, dreaming of the sun.

 

Remus woke that next morning with a dull pain in his chest and trouble breathing. His doctor told him to take it easy for the day so he wouldn’t make it any worse. He felt slightly uncomfortable but nothing so major that he couldn’t still see Sirius later. Remus spent the rest of the morning in therapy sessions and listened impatiently as Dr. Lee lectured him about how he should find happiness in multiple things and not just center all his good feelings on one single person. He knew she was right but he still slightly regretted telling her about Sirius at all.

When he finally heard a knock on the door Remus was sitting in his desk chair, idly spinning himself as he read a book. He sat up quickly and bolted to the door. He made himself stop, not wanting to seem overeager, and counted to five before he actually opened it.

Sirius was leaning in the doorway, hands in his pockets with a smirk on his face. He wasn’t wearing his leather jacket, this time, just a worn out shirt that had The Clash written on it in bold lettering.

“Hey Remus,” Sirius said as he took a hand out of his pocket and pushed it through his hair almost nervously. He bit his lip ring and sucked it into his mouth. Remus watched the movement and when Sirius dropped his hand Remus let his eyes drift down Sirius’ arms to his wrist. His skin looked soft and pale and Remus had the urge to lift Sirius’ hand and kiss the inside of his wrist. The spot right over his veins, so he would feel Sirius pulse under his lips…

He heard Sirius laugh and his eyes snapped up at the sound. Remus’ cheeks turning pink as he realized he had been staring for longer than was probably socially acceptable. He cleared his throat a bit awkwardly, “Hello.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow, “Shall I stand in the doorway or are you gonna let me in?” He asked amused.

Remus felt like an idiot but managed a halfhearted glare at Sirius that just made the boy smile even wider. He opened the door more and took a step to the side so Sirius could walk in. Sirius went straight for the bed, plopping down on it like it was his own. Sirius watched as Remus hesitated, not quite knowing where he should sit. In the desk chair or the bed? The bed would most likely lead to more kissing which wasn’t a terribly bad idea only Remus suddenly felt oddly nervous at the prospect of it. So he took a seat in the chair. Sirius let out a long sigh but didn’t say anything which Remus was thankful for.

“So how are you feeling today?” Sirius asked and Remus crossed his arms, looking away pointedly.

Sirius laughed, “God, you're cute when you do that.” Remus flushed but still didn’t look at him. “What?” Sirius was still grinning, his voice amused, “Did I say something wrong?”

“You don’t have to ask me how I’m feeling every time you see me, you know.” Remus muttered, “I have enough people hovering over me as it is.”

Sirius shrugged, “Okay whatever. I was just trying to be polite. And I do actually care.”

Remus glanced at him and was glad to see he looked just as carefree as usual and wasn’t insulted by Remus’ words. But Remus sighed, feeling a bit like an arsehole. Sirius hadn’t done anything wrong, it was just Remus being weird about things again. Sure it bothered him when his doctors and nurses and therapist constantly asked him how he was feeling but this was different than that. This was _Sirius,_ who wasn’t asking in a medical way, writing it all down in a chart, seeing if he needed another dosage of whatever drug. No, he asked simply because he _cared_. _Sirius Black actually bloody cares how I’m feeling._

Remus sighed again and walked over to the bed. Sirius scooted over a tad so Remus could fit and they were once again pressed closely together on the small mattress. Remus rolled onto his side and curled his body so he could see Sirius’ face. He looked confused at Remus’ sudden proximity but also very pleased with it.

“I’m sorry,” Remus whispered, “I’m not feeling very well today.” He watched as Sirius brows crinkled together in worry. And without thinking Remus moved his hand and gently pressed his fingers down between Sirius' eyebrows, soothing away the lines there. He let it drift just for a moment, ghosting down the bridge of Sirius’ nose and across his cheekbones before letting his hand drop and curl between their bodies.

“Do you want me to leave?” Sirius asked in a quiet voice, “If you're feeling sick I can come back later--”

“No, please stay,” Remus said quickly , “It’s not so bad. The doctor just said to take is easy today.” He assured Sirius. “I want you to stay. Please.”

Sirius gave him a small smile. And the atmosphere between them was different than when he had first come in. The air felt slow and thick, filled with something heavy and warm between them. Remus was alive and laying next to a boy in his bed. A boy who asked how he was and actually cared. He barely even got any anxiety at the thought that Sirius would most likely leave one day and not come back to visit. In this moment, Remus was happy.

They stared at one another for a long moment, not speaking but just drinking each other in. Then Sirius lifted Remus’ hand, slowly brought it to his mouth, and pressed his lips to Remus’ pulse. It was such a mirror image of what Remus had wanted to do to him in the doorway that he sucked in a surprised breath. Sirius sighed at the sound, closing his eyes and laid another kiss on Remus skin. Remus could feel the hot wetness of his mouth as he parted his lips, each kiss getting sloppier than the next as he made his way up the inside of Remus’ arm and then back down again.

It was an incredible turn on and Remus knew his breathing was getting heavy. Sirius still had his eyes closed and seemed to be enjoying it as much as Remus was. But just as Remus was about to lean in and kiss him, Sirius suddenly pulled back and looked down at Remus' wrist with a frown.

“What’s wrong?” Remus asked, his voice coming out hoarse and deep. Sirius still held his hand, turned palm up and was gazing at it intently.

“Your um--Your bandages are gone.” Sirius finally said. And Remus suddenly realized Sirius was staring at the ugly red, vertical line that scared his skin there. Sirius looked up and met Remus’ eyes. Remus flushed in shame and looked away.

“It's okay Remus.” Sirius said quickly, gripping his hand tighter. “I just forgot about it for a moment, really it's not--”

“I know you think I’m normal but I’m not.” Remus managed to say in a detached voice, trying hard not to care that this was moment Sirius finally realized what a freak he was. Remus tore his hand away, “I won’t ever be normal, I’m sick and I’m freak and I’m--”

Sirius caught Remus’ hand and pulled it close to his face. He cradled his own cheek with it and tilted his head down to press his lips to the scarred skin. “Don’t.” He said softly with a kiss. “You're perfect.”--kiss--“Everything about you is perfect.”

No one had ever said those words to Remus before, he swallowed his feelings down hard. “Your delusional.” He told Sirius, who only laughed and pulled Remus close. He didn’t kiss him, just held him close to his body. And they laid like that for a long time, talking about all the small things and just savoring the closeness of one another until Remus started to cough loudly and had to sit up and get a glass of water.

“I’ll be right back. You stay here because Lily’s most likely out there and if she see’s you--well I’m not really in the mood to get lectured on the importance of safe sex or some other rubbish.” Remus said as he walked to the door.

Sirius laughed, “Well hold on now, I think that could be very informative. Don’t you?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

Remus made a face, “Ugh. You're the worst.” He turned back around and said, “Go ahead and put something on if you want.” He motioned his head to the record player and shut the door softly behind him.

After having drank an entire glass of water, Remus was now heading back to his room, curiously wondering what album Sirius had decided to put on when he ran into Lily.

She said hello and gave him a tight hug, “How are you feeling today Remus?” She asked in a concerned voice. Remus gritted his teeth but managed a smile and a, “Fine. How are you?”

Lily shook her head in an irritated manner, her red hair flying around in wisps, “Potter is driving me bloody insane! I made the mistake of giving him my number and--” Remus raised an eyebrow at that and Lily sputtered embarrassed, “He insisted on it really, I--I had no choice.” She claimed but her cheeks were now turning pink.

“Anyways,” Lily cleared her throat, “now he won’t stop texting me and I’ve somehow gotten talked into a--a,” Remus watched her struggle before she finally confessed, “I’m going on a date with him.” She said, sounding both ashamed and like she couldn’t believe it herself.

“Well, that’s great Lily.” She shot Remus a glare and he rolled his eyes, “I’m sorry I thought this was good news. Or do you not like James anymore?”

“Shh! Remus! Be quiet, someone might hear.” Lily looked around nervously making Remus laugh.

“Come off it Lily,” He said with a smile, “he seems nice enough. Sirius vouches for him at least.”

“Are you trying to console me because it's not working.” She pouted.

“It will be fine I promise, and speaking of Sirius he’s waiting in my room so I should go--”

Lily’s eyes lit up, “You know Remus, I have some pamphlets that really--”

Remus groaned, “No god Lily, please don’t start this.” He started walking backwards to get away faster, “I’ll see you later, have fun on your date.”

“You can never be too safe Remus!” She yelled and several people turned to stare at him. He blushed and picked up his pace. Bloody Lily.

Remus couldn’t hear the music in the hall but when he stood in front of his door, you could hear the faint sound of guitars and a male's voice singing.

He opened the door and found Sirius on the bed, laying on his stomach, with a pile of Remus’ cut out words in front of him that he was sifting through while nodding his head to Black Sabbath’s _Sabotage._

He glanced his head up when he heard Remus walk in and gave him a big smile. _And fucking Jesus Christ, he is bloody gorgeous_.

“ _Sabotage?_ Really?” Remus asked as he sat cross-legged next Sirius.

Sirius made a face, “Don’t tell me you don’t think this is one of the best albums of all time. It was in your collection after all.”

“Yes well, you can blame Alice for that one.” Remus said and peered down to see what Sirius was doing.

He was using one of Remus’ books as a flat surface and had various lines of words on a piece of paper that looked intentionally placed... _almost like a poem,_ Remus thought. And then he smiled widely, leaning down closer to read, “What are you doing Sirius?” Remus asked, even though he already knew.

“I’m putting your words to good use, they told me they were lonely.” He said and with a squawk yelled, “Hey, no looking!” As he shifted an arm to block Remus’ view.

Remus apologized and Sirius grumbled something about Remus being useful and cutting out more words for him. Remus complied though it had taken a bit of time persuading Lily to bring him a pair of scissors but soon he was sitting with a magazine in his lap, cutting out random words and handing them Sirius. Sometimes Sirius would ask for specific words but Remus told him that was cheating and that he could only use the words given to him. Sirius had pouted at that but stopped complaining once Remus leaned down and kissed him.

After the record had stopped Remus put on The Kinks, and Sirius gave him a rather thorough snog for being _‘so amazing and having great taste in music please I have to kiss you, you're too perfect’_  They laughed and kissed and talked, but they also sat in silence at times, just listening to the music as Remus cut and Sirius pasted words to the paper.

“Remus,” Sirius said after they had been quiet for a long time, “I need a word for arse.”

Remus snorted, “A word for arse? Why the hell do you need a word for arse?”

“Well this poem _is_ about you and I have _beautiful_ here so the next word needs to be arse.”

Remus cheeks turned pink but he was laughing which made Sirius grin, “Oh my god Sirius. Fine. But only because you know how to flatter me so well.” He said sarcastically. Remus flipped through the pages for a couple minutes before cutting out a single word and handing it to Sirius.

“ _Behind?_ ” Sirius read the word out loud, “Remus, that's like the _least_ sexy word for arse _ever._ Your fired at your job.” He told him and took the scissors and magazine away from him. Sirius collected everything else and put it all on the desk.

“You can’t fire me, I started this company from the ground up.” Remus said, faking outrage. Sirius turned to him, biting his lip and smiling. “Let's be done, yeah? I really wanna kiss you.” He said and Remus shut up as Sirius pulled him close and kissed him hard on the mouth.

They were now once again laying on Remus’ bed, Remus on his back and Sirius on his side, propped up on an elbow. In between kisses, Remus asked, “May I read what you made?”

Sirius shook his head, “Not done yet.” His voice was muffled as he nuzzled into Remus’ neck, pressing wet kisses on his throat and jaw.

Remus breath hitched, “Once it's done may I read it then?”

Sirius lifted his head, pretending to think it over, “I’m not sure. It’s really very private.” He teased and Remus scowled, surging up to flip them so he was straddling Sirius waist.

Sirius sucked in a breath, his face slightly surprised. Remus was surprised at himself as well. He was never one to put himself out there so he really didn’t know where this confidence was coming from but he didn’t question it and just took Sirius’ hands and lifted them above his head, holding them tightly in place so Sirius couldn’t move. Sirius let him and was oddly quiet about it for someone who rarely ever shuts up. But his breathing _had_ gotten a whole lot heavier so Remus guessed he was doing something right.

He leaned down close, his body pressing hard into Sirius. “Tell me I can read it once you've finished.” He demanded. Sirius gazed up at him with wide, lustful eyes and nodded quickly. His throat bobbed as he swallowed.

Remus pressed their hips together harder and made Sirius gasp, “Say it.” Remus said, his face an inch away from Sirius’. “I want to hear you say it.”

“Y--you can read it once I’m finished.” Sirius panted out and Remus grinned triumphantly. “Oh god, please kiss me,” Sirius begged him.

Remus felt very accomplished for some reason as he leaned down to slot their mouths together. They snogged for so long Remus felt as if his lips were going to fall off but decided that he quite enjoyed kissing, and was sad when Sirius finally pulled their mouths apart and said he had to go.

“Mrs. Potter will kill me if I’m not back in time for dinner.” He explained as he checked his phone for the time. Remus nodded a bit forlornly.

“Don’t look like that,” He said with a frown and kissed a place bellow Remus’ jaw that Sirius’ was quite fond of. “I might not be able to see you tomorrow because James has some stupid bloody prank that we have to get ready for on Monday.”

“It’s okay Sirius,” Remus told him, “You don’t need to come visit every single day.”

“But I want to.”

Remus gave him a small smile and picked a piece of paper off the desk. “Here’s your thing or whatever. Don’t worry I didn’t look.” Sirius took the paper and Remus watched his normally pale cheeks flush slightly as he pointedly didn’t make eye contact with Remus. And Remus knew he was thinking about earlier and how he had pinned Sirius down and been rather forceful that he get to read the damn thing. Remus wanted to die with embarrassment, he really had no idea what had come over him.

“I’m uh, sorry about earlier,” Remus mumbled, “You don’t really have to let me read it.”

Sirius flicked his eyes up and ran them across Remus’ face as if searching for something there. His own face suddenly broke into a grin and he laughed, “You're killing me with this whole quiet and shy facade.” Sirius then leaned in closer and said in a lower tone, “But don’t worry, you told me to let you read it and I will.” He said and Remus felt tingles all up and down his spine at the way Sirius’ breath ghosted across his ear giving him a semi _for fucks sakes!_

And Sirius the arse, totally knew what he was doing as he smiled smugly and said, “See ya Remus,” Before walking out the door, leaving Remus alone in his room.

He flopped down onto the bed, palmed himself through his jeans and hated Sirius Black.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had all these plans for different characters to interact but then the boys started talking and i couldn’t stop them kissing so i apologize for this ch but the next one is already being written and will be much longer and in depth as far as story and plot go.  
> thanks for the read! :*


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